My farts almost make me chunder

So have you ever eaten a lot of canned Chili? Until recently I hadn't, but I've discovered the hearty meat and bean combination will calm even the most extreme appetite [mine].

After spending months gaining and gaining, I've finally decided to take some of the weight off. I joined a gym and my new best friend is the 5 foot tall personal trainer. We'll call her Xena.

Well, Xena told me I have to take off a bunch of weight and start exercising like a champ, and reduce my calorie intake. A good way I've found to do this is eat dense foods like canned chili.

The only problem: I clear out rooms. Yesterday, I was eating a sensible dinner with Robby and I thought I'd sneak in a silent one, and we both nearly threw up on the table. It probably didn't help that we'd gotten "friendly" after work, and so we all know that doesn't help anything at all. My close friends KNOW I've always been gassy, but we usually have contests to name the smell.

It's usually fun and games like, "oh oh oh!! This one smells like pizza, donuts, and vegetable cream cheese rotting in a sauna!", but now it's no fun. My boss has been mentioning that the vicinity of my cubicle smells like rotting flesh.