- cucumbers
- gatorade
- cookies
- puppies
- chili
- potatoes
- jello
- beer
- etc
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Things that make me gassy
Thursday, August 13, 2009
My farts almost make me chunder
So have you ever eaten a lot of canned Chili? Until recently I hadn't, but I've discovered the hearty meat and bean combination will calm even the most extreme appetite [mine].
After spending months gaining and gaining, I've finally decided to take some of the weight off. I joined a gym and my new best friend is the 5 foot tall personal trainer. We'll call her Xena.
Well, Xena told me I have to take off a bunch of weight and start exercising like a champ, and reduce my calorie intake. A good way I've found to do this is eat dense foods like canned chili.
The only problem: I clear out rooms. Yesterday, I was eating a sensible dinner with Robby and I thought I'd sneak in a silent one, and we both nearly threw up on the table. It probably didn't help that we'd gotten "friendly" after work, and so we all know that doesn't help anything at all. My close friends KNOW I've always been gassy, but we usually have contests to name the smell.
It's usually fun and games like, "oh oh oh!! This one smells like pizza, donuts, and vegetable cream cheese rotting in a sauna!", but now it's no fun. My boss has been mentioning that the vicinity of my cubicle smells like rotting flesh.
After spending months gaining and gaining, I've finally decided to take some of the weight off. I joined a gym and my new best friend is the 5 foot tall personal trainer. We'll call her Xena.
Well, Xena told me I have to take off a bunch of weight and start exercising like a champ, and reduce my calorie intake. A good way I've found to do this is eat dense foods like canned chili.
The only problem: I clear out rooms. Yesterday, I was eating a sensible dinner with Robby and I thought I'd sneak in a silent one, and we both nearly threw up on the table. It probably didn't help that we'd gotten "friendly" after work, and so we all know that doesn't help anything at all. My close friends KNOW I've always been gassy, but we usually have contests to name the smell.
It's usually fun and games like, "oh oh oh!! This one smells like pizza, donuts, and vegetable cream cheese rotting in a sauna!", but now it's no fun. My boss has been mentioning that the vicinity of my cubicle smells like rotting flesh.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.
Note: To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime® 6.5 or higher is required.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
I admire John so much
I've been so busy. You see, we're moving to a brand new trailer in South Park. It's so nice. I got a nice set of white wall tires picked out, and I got to pick out the color of the plastic wall tiles in the living room.
There is even a friendly crack dealer, right on the corner. After only a few visits he's even offering us freebies, and I got a crack-hit punch card!!! Only 10 visits and I get a bag of heroin for FREE!
My friend John is someone to admire though. John can do anything.
He went to the doctor for his normal herpeygonnasiphilHIV test (he'd been in a car with me, so it was a smart precaution, beside the antibiotics he got on just in case there was some latency), and started taking Chantix, and now he's a non-smoker.
Just sayin. Shout out to John. You're like my hero.
There is even a friendly crack dealer, right on the corner. After only a few visits he's even offering us freebies, and I got a crack-hit punch card!!! Only 10 visits and I get a bag of heroin for FREE!
My friend John is someone to admire though. John can do anything.
He went to the doctor for his normal herpeygonnasiphilHIV test (he'd been in a car with me, so it was a smart precaution, beside the antibiotics he got on just in case there was some latency), and started taking Chantix, and now he's a non-smoker.
Just sayin. Shout out to John. You're like my hero.
Friday, April 3, 2009
I'm a fat pig, and I love it.
So I don't know if you've heard, but I'm really into feederism.
Feederism is a fetish, where you find the act of feeding and gaining weight sexy. I'm even into eating/feeding during sex.
So Robby and I feed each other, and the more weight we gain the hotter we think it is. At some point we're expecting to be so fat that we won't be able to bang anymore (it'll be another month or two for that), but we'll probably be semi-immobile at that point. You know, as hot as it is--the mechanics just don't work anymore once your belly/ass sticks out a certain distance.
Feederism is a fetish, where you find the act of feeding and gaining weight sexy. I'm even into eating/feeding during sex.
So Robby and I feed each other, and the more weight we gain the hotter we think it is. At some point we're expecting to be so fat that we won't be able to bang anymore (it'll be another month or two for that), but we'll probably be semi-immobile at that point. You know, as hot as it is--the mechanics just don't work anymore once your belly/ass sticks out a certain distance.
Monday, March 23, 2009
NASCAR
After a long weekend, I started out my week a little bit worse for the wear.
I realized my favorite Tony Stewart hat was dirty, as was my NASCAR logo jacket. I guess I had one too many cans of Keystone Ice after country line dancing, and then ended up falling off the adult tricycle I was riding home.
I realized my favorite Tony Stewart hat was dirty, as was my NASCAR logo jacket. I guess I had one too many cans of Keystone Ice after country line dancing, and then ended up falling off the adult tricycle I was riding home.
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